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| "So what are you majoring in?"
"Japanese and Art History"
"o___O...What are you going to do with THAT"
First off, I hate being looked down on. Not like anyone ever thought I was smart, but I don't like being viewed as some air headed slacker. More importantly though, having that conversation countless times just in this first semester has put some serious doubts in my head.
I think maybe people are just unaware of the jobs those fields have to offer. But then again they have a point...in comparison with other fields it doesn't have that many jobs. What happens when the economy sucks...no one gives a monkey's ass about art. Hell, when things are good people don't care about art.
I seriously thought of switching to something gay like engineering, biology, or environmental sciences. I don't doubt I could do it...but I do know I don't enjoy it so much...I mean at all. But I see all these other people doing it...and they're fine! Do they actually really enjoy it? Or are they just *ok* with it since they'll probably get a good job. Maybe that's the case, and I'm just over indulging by doing the pointless things I do just because I like it. Maybe I should really just lose my soul and do what my parents have wanted me to do all along. I really wish I loved science and math.
So I really question, what should I do? Part of me says I shouldn't doubt myself - that if I really try hard and put everything I can into my current majors I can make something of it. Inspirational people have done it before and succeeded...I shouldn't care that people might look down on me or laugh. Or should I just be more practical and do what everyone else is doing? Aaaaah...haha....
I looked up what I could do with an art history major. Interestingly enough I read that graduate programs for art conservation are really demanding (expecting experience in art history, studio art, and chemistry) and extremely competitive to get into, but it guarantees a job. That does sound quite intriguing...but then a thought flashed in my head. What if by that time don't want to go to grad school. What if by then I just want to get married and have a simple life. That sounds so dumb, but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.
ああ～ せいしゅんだよ。 T_______T
Other things...I really want to go back to Japan. Like SERIOUSLY. I hope I make the maymester...Professor Heymann said over 40 people tried but I'm guessing only 15-20 people can go. I wanna go so bad!!!
College. I need to go to walmart or something. Running low on water, toilet paper, shampoo, and snacks. Rationing has really kicked in T______T. | | |
| "Hi my name is Christie and I'm a freshman at UT Austin calling on behalf of the school of fine arts...."
Asking for money is never fun! I swear in the past 4 hours I've gotten rejected and hung up on more than in my entire life XD
Plus I get to listen for 15 minutes to things like Mexican women saying why they won't donate to UT because our institution is racist!
But then again I get to hear stories about how people make money off of painting cars and giving tattoos XD
I wonder how long I can keep this up. Will I get tired of annoying people for money or will i become so jaded that I don't care how many people I piss off XD
What a weekend! | | |
| Performing for the first time with a band everrrrr HUUUUUUUUUUU~!
After such a crazy busy week......THE BEAST SHALL BE UNLEASHED!
Seriously! My heart is going *babababababbaa* Its 12 hours away but I'M SO EXCITEEEEEEEDDD. Can't focus on school work XD! I hope I don't get nervous! Like forget the lyrics or let my stomach take over my voice.
I'm really happy...really really happy to be playing with all my cool (ENGLISH SPEAKING) friends harharharharrr XD. I'm so thankful that they gave me this chance...LIKE YEARS LONG DREAAAM (how many how many~~?) More than that, I'm so lucky to play with such fun and kind people...I wish I could tell them how much I really love being with them...but we've only been together for...a month XD?! No sappyness now!
I can't wait till we can do Sounan aHAHAHAHA...Jose and I will be like AHHHHHHH XDXDXD
OMFGGGGGGG~! TODAAAAAAY!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH...WORLD PREMIERE AHAHAHHAHAA
I hope that tonight, my Nana will hear me.
HAHAA HOW LAME | | |
| I don't like trying hard but never getting things just right >:
Liberal arts is much more frustrating than I thought. I feel retarded. I wish there was just a "right" answer. WILL I EVER TAKE A MULTIPLE CHOICE TEST AGAIN?!
I know I should just suck it up and keep trying, but it's so tiring continuously getting my ass kicked T___T. I wonder if everyone else keeps getting back papers saying "You're a sucky writer!" WILL I EVER EMERGE ANY BETTER?
I'm so confused on what to doooooooo T________T
Anyways, I'm not all sad. I'll be singing live for the first time this Friday...YAYY! Today we practiced in the music lab...like hoooooooo~ so cool! So professional band like! I feel like stuff is for real now! I love the band...they're so cool XD. All so funny and skilled. I'm still so impressed how the upperclassmen could pull something so amazing together. Hearing everyone play together makes me so happy.
Yeah...that's what I have to keep looking forward to >: | | |
| I'm so freaking stupid stupid stupid stupid.
I'm so unaware of the things and people around me.
I can act so thoughtlessly, disregarding what other people think or feel.
I'm really awkward.
I have to pull my head out of my ass and realize what's going on >: | | |
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